Not Perfect, But Present: What This Season of Fasting Is Teaching Me
Note: This post is a candid look at my current season of healing, slowing down, and learning to choose God more intentionally. I’m not writing this from a place of having it all figured out, but from a place of learning, trying, and showing up anyway. If you’re in a similar season, I hope this reminds you that you don’t have to be perfect to be present.
When I started this fast, I thought the hardest part would be the food.
boy was I wrong.
The hardest part has been learning to sit with myself. To put my phone down. To turn the TV off. To open my Bible even when my mind feels busy and my discipline feels weak.
This season hasn’t been about being extreme. It’s been about being intentional.
I’ve been spending more time with my nose in my Bible, writing in my journal, and trying—sometimes clumsily—to choose God over comfort. And I want to be honest: I haven’t done this perfectly. Some days I still watch more shows than I mean to. Some days I still feel distracted. Some days my body feels tired, and my willpower feels thin.
But I keep showing up.
And I’m learning that showing up matters more than being flawless.
Redefining What “Fasting” Looks Like for Me
At first, I tried to be stricter. Longer fasting windows. Pushing through hunger. Ignoring how my body felt.
And my body let me know pretty quickly: this wasn’t wisdom.
I was getting lightheaded in the mornings. Shaky. Not present. And I realized something important:
God is not honored by me hurting myself in His name.
So I adjusted.
Now my fast looks gentler:
Clean, intentional eating
A simple overnight fasting window
Cutting out sugar, junk food, and mindless snacking
And most importantly: creating space for God daily
This season is teaching me that obedience is not the same as punishment.
The Real Fast: Fasting From Distractions
If I’m honest, food hasn’t been the biggest battle.
Distractions have.
Shows. Scrolling. Background noise. Filling every quiet moment instead of sitting with God.
I’ve realized how often I reach for something to numb, distract, or fill space. How uncomfortable silence can feel. How quickly I grab my phone without even thinking.
So in many ways, this has become less about fasting from food and more about fasting from noise.
My real fast has looked like:
Fasting from mindless TV
Fasting from constant background noise
Fasting from filling every empty moment
And choosing instead:
My Bible
My journal
Prayer
Quiet
Not for hours. Sometimes just for 10 minutes. But consistently.
And honestly? Those small, quiet moments have been more challenging—and more meaningful—than skipping any meal.
Learning to Choose Grace
There’s a version of spirituality that says:
“If you’re not doing it perfectly, you’ve failed.”
I don’t believe that anymore.
I believe God honors:
Effort
Honesty
Returning to Him again and again
Some days I do great. Some days I do okay. Some days I barely do the minimum.
But I’m still here.
Not perfect. But present.
And that feels like real growth.
What This Season Is Teaching Me
Discipline is built slowly
God is gentler than I am with myself
Progress is better than extremes
A soft heart goes further than a rigid rulebook
And most of all: God cares about my heart, not my performance
If You’re In a Similar Season
If you’re trying to grow, heal, or draw closer to God and you feel messy, inconsistent, or “not spiritual enough,” let me tell you this:
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
Just keep showing up.
“A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.” — Isaiah 42:3
I’m learning that God works gently. And right now, I’m learning to walk gently too.
